I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
