I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
