rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize