Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
