how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
