Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He better not be in your backpack
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
