It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
