my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
