I'd wear matching sweaters with you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
