the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
