Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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