everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
