i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
