remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
