i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
