idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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