I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I wear drunk well.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
