SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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