Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
