i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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