I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Barsexuality is the new black.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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