I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
