You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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