ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
