he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
