i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
