You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
