Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
