he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
