How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
