I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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