and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
