Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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