i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize