i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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