I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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