You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
