We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
