We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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