My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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