Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
