i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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