I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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