I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
