Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I understand Curling. That high.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
