if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
