You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Floor bacon is actually really good
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm having to shit out rocks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
