You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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