went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
