shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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