I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
