Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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