remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
