took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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