he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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