hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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