i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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