I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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