Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
