my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I cut my penus on the lid.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
