i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
