and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
