so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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