why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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