the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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