fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Someone shit on the floor
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
