Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
