I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
