Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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