You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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