Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
