Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
