do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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