Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
