Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
